I hate myself.
I take all the wrong decisions all the time.
I try to change but its so hard.
Its like i am voluntarily trying to ruin my life.
And idk why.
I hurt people even though i dont want to.
But most of all I hurt myself.

Ive been feeling like this for way too long. Then i met him & thought he would help me.
He ended using me.
He knows all my secrets and he tells everyone but no one believes him.
Or they just dont care.
No one thinks im this broken because i act like nothing affects me.
My friends always ask me how im this strong,patient,nice etc.
Truth is im none of those things.

Now i cant trust anyone.
And i just wanna die.
Because i know it will not get better.
It only gets worse, i mean its been a year.
i cant even tell the last time i was truly happy.
And at this point im tired of trying.
of crying out for help and no one coming.
I HAAATEEE THISS SO MUCH.