I am a 29 year old man and I have a partner of almost 9 years now… we have had some bumpy spots here and there but we’ve made a good life together. 4 years ago he took a job, a dream job as he thought, working as live in security to a very wealthy couple. I told him to go ahead when he asked what I thought, but I guess I lied because I didn’t want to hold him back, I really didn’t want him to take it and leave me alone every night… which is how it has been for the past 4 years. I have lost all of my friends, my family and I have grown apart as well. I don’t feel complete going places without him and he can’t join because he is always working. It’s like I’m trapped completely alone in this empty house out in the middle of nowhere in a relationship with someone I hardly ever see and I cant find happiness because I feel like he’s sacrificing to take this job and I am guilted into staying here. Well… Recently I tried something new to quench my loneliness, now I am very aware it was not the right solution. I had a brief but extremely passionate (but safe) affair… in fact, I’m not sure but I think I might have really fallen for this guy. The other bad news- he didn’t tell me he was married and had never been with a guy until after our second meeting when I had already really started to fall for him… his wife returned to town soon after and he broke down and said he’s made a huge mistake and can no longer speak to me… I was so glad to find a friend who I adored and I thought understood what I was going through and maybe a caring soul who could help me find a way out but now he’s gone too…. and he took my heart and all my thoughts with him. Was he really that great? Or was I just romanticizing him? honestly I barely knew him, but he did everything right (minus him being married and me not being single) and he was so incredibly sweet and loving… I don’t want to break my partner’s heart and tell him what I did or leave him, I’m afraid he would be alone forever if I did… he’s a wonderful man but I am so sick of being alone and I do truly care about him, I just don’t know if I’m still in love with him the way I was. And now all I can think about is the married guy and how badly I miss what we had for those few nights… am I really that into him? Or are all of these feelings really for my partner and I just feel like he’s out of reach? I wish I knew the magic cure for all of this mess. My life has become wrought with despair.