I am inadequate. No matter what I do, it’s never enough. I’m tired. How am I supposed to do it all. I am a post-menopausal woman who has been married for over 30 years to a wonderful man. We have grown children and a lot of awesome grand kids. I have a job that I am good at and mostly enjoy. My life is blessed in so many ways. I wish I felt like I deserve it. I tell myself I’m awesome because I cook great meals, keep the house spotless and work 50+ hours a week. I never turn down s** with my husband and even initiate it often. I spend my “off” time decorating our home, taking care of the grand babies that are close enough, running errands, grocery shopping and taking care of the business of life. But, I haven’t done my nails in weeks. I don’t match my underwear to my bra, my bra to my shirt, or even remember to wear socks without holes most days. My hair is a mess, because I’m trying to keep it long, even though it’s fine and thin and doesn’t behave. I have to keep it long to be s***. I don’t even know how to be s*** any more. I’ve lost that part of me and I miss it so much. How the hell am I supposed to be Martha Stewart, Donna Reed, Jenna Jameson, Rachel Ray, Marla Cilley, Jillian Michaels and Mother Teresa all in one, all at the same time, and still find time to sleep? I need sleep!!! I want to do it all. I want to be them all. My husband, my kids, my grand kids and my boss deserve them all. I just can’t be them all and I fall so short so much of the time. It sounds horrible, but sometimes I think I’m blessed that my mom has passed, so that is one less person that I owe my best to that I can’t give. I’m not good enough as a wife, a mom, a grand ma, a sister or an employee. They say that ignorance is bliss. I believe that. If I didn’t know what it takes to be excellent in all those areas, maybe I wouldn’t feel so inadequate knowing that I can’t be it all. Everyone in my life deserves the best. Why can’t I give them what they deserve? !
