When I sit down and get to thinking I find myself dwindling on things I wish I had the strength to do. It hurts every time I think about my dreams I have and the things I have committed to here. I want to move, I want to change, I want to be happy. I just hurt because I feel like I have stuck myself in a position I can’t break free from. It feels like every step I take I am dragging along my partner and I just don’t know what to do anymore. None of my techniques for handling stress works any more. Nothing seems to make me smile. I look at some people and say ‘Why can’t I just f****** man up and take their advice?’ I know I would be happier if I just took a risk and did what makes me happy, but I just feel stuck.
I guess I just wonder about what it would be like for everyone else on the side of me being gone. The damage I would do to my partner by leaving and how it would effect everything else. I guess even though I have had plenty of people tell me to forget about them and leave I’m just too afraid to actually go.
I feel like I will always be stuck here… That makes me the most miserable of all.
