I am a 30 year old married man. Through a series of events, I fell in love with a 43 year old woman from another country. It started with message board posts, then email exchange, then chatting, until we started talking on the phone. She is gentle, caring and loving, and even though I generally am short, a little cold and demanding, she has always been warm and gentle in ways my wife never has been and never will be.
We talked about deeper and deeper things, and she helped me open my heart to feelings I shut down and hid for a decade. She made me feel alive.
We got in a fight and went three days without talking. I wanted to not care, to tell myself she meant nothing to me. But it nearly ruined me. I realized I loved her and even though i probably will never meet her in person, i knew I need her.
I sent her and email that I had to talk to her, and when we chatted next, I told her that I loved her, that I was in love with her. She started crying and told me she loved me too. It felt incredible.
It has been super hard ever since then to stay in contact due to crap in both our real lives. Then she disappeared. I cant get a hold of her at all. I need to know what she feels, if her feelings have changed. This pain is exactly why i shut out my feelings and lived emotion free for so long. I am scared that she wont come back…this really hurts.
