I was raped by someone who learned of my Asperger’s Syndrome and took advantage of it.
he called me, leaving a voicemail, and texted me multiple times, blaming me for “the incident,” telling me that I was “into it” and that I was the reason that it happened. He called me Jekyll/Hyde and told me he was sorry for me, that he would miss our “conversations.” I thought he was my friend. He raped me. I said no. I told him to stop. I was afraid. I froze. I guess, after you stop refusing, that implies consent. I feel guilty, remembering how he took off my clothes as I lied there, helpless, afraid, frozen, unable to move though I willed my body to fight back, for Christ’s sake, do SOMETHING. He even removed my tampon. God, it was ludicrous, horrific, disgusting. I can’t get away from the memory of him entering me. He tried to kiss me several times, forcing his tongue into my inanimate mouth. I waited for it to be over. I was terrified. I wanted to be home, in my bed, with my family. Safe. But this isn’t safe. Now he tells me it’s my fault, and there’s nothing I can do. There’s no one I can tell. I am alone, ashamed, terrified, disgusting. I am used, helpless. Forgive me, God, forgive me. I want him to die. I am dead, now. Forgive me.