If there has ever been a more confusing time in my life… I missed it. This past week has been so completely odd… Off the wall. Confusing. I guess I made this blog so that I could get some things off my chest. Some major things.
Lee… Dear God, Lee… What the hell did I do. How did I manage to mess this up? I don’t need to explain my Lee situation. He already knows, I already know. This is just for me. I need to sort out my thoughts, because conversing with Sara doesn’t keep everything in order.
Apparently I missed my opportunity. I feel like ruining it all. I want to call him, and talk to him. I want to kiss him. Let’s go back to the very beginning. Back to when I lied to everyone in the whole entire world.
I’ve never been in a relationship. Never. I’ve never dated someone that wasn’t long distance. I’ve never been hugged in a loving way, I’ve never been kissed, I’ve never had s**… I even lied to my best friend so that she wouldn’t think I was a complete loser. I can never show this to her… Never.
Lee gave me my first kiss. It was tonight. April 24th, 2006 at roughly 7:35pm. Probably the most confusing boy in the entire world, and I get my first kiss from him. The worst part, is that my first kiss was a depressed kiss. He felt bad for me. But he smiled after it… He grinned like a little kid. Despite the fact that he is dating her. I want to go back. As soon as I get my car back, Denise and I are going to go visit him. I want another kiss… I want a lot of kisses. I want him.
I need to tell him. I think that if I have any sort of disorder, it would be that I am a compuslive liar. I told my aunt Denise that I was having s** so she would take me to the free clinic to get birth control. I have to go back in less than a month and they are going to do a pap smear, so they’ll know I’ve never had s**. I could get in a lot of trouble for that. I need to have s**. I need to tell Lee about my compulsive lying problem before we can go any further. I need to talk to him in person. I wish I could have stayed longer… I need to go back to him, and tell him. Maybe he will understand… Maybe he’ll change his view of me…
