when I was a kid, when I got asked to read out loud, I would be nervous enough my throat would tighten up and I think I would be speaking from lower than normal place, not quite my gut and I would sound like I was doing Batman (before Batman did it). I was always self conscious about it, but I think the chicks dug it. That’s what it was, nervous. I could hear it too, and I was sort of embarrassed by it.
Fuck you if you think I forgot about you. You never gave me anything. And when I did leave, yeah it was kind of like “fuck you, now you are going to feel it” and you know what that was the first time in my my life I said “you know what, fuck you then, whatever, I’m gone, bye….” and dealt with the “reality” for real. She doesn’t love me, she never will, everything else is falling apart, even if it wasn’t there’s change coming anyway, fuck it all, goodbye. Fuck it. What’s the moral of that story? Although you knew later that’s a pile of bullshit, forgot about you…. I was just sitting here thinking I was smarter back then. You know, I know how I felt. YOU, I’m not so sure…. the only thing that really convinced me that maybe I was wrong way back was that years later run in, tbh. Part of the reason it floored me is because I had written you off as a hopeless case, by then. She doesn’t care, she might not even like me, I’m forgotten, other girls do find me cute, I had long hair right after, I grew my hair long and always had the thought “what would she think of that?” I remember a couple girls our age, at the BK with my mom granny, brothers, 2 girls one of them came up to me I was with my bro and told me I was cute. Out of the blue. It was actually kind of embarrassing, life goes on. I also know you have at least 1 bitch friend that probably did a good deal of influencing and probably shaped the way you think and approach things too in some ways, I definitely don’t like that. She’s a real fucking idiot, and that does kind of piss me off tbh. In the 9th I see EK in the mall all smiles and waving, which was nice, it is nice to feel some genuine love from someone you spent some important years with and hadn’t seen in a few it was back at her, but jee I wonder who I hoped she would go home and tell she saw me and that I was looking cute, because I did, and she lives on the same street? Fuck you.