How do you not know?
Just because you aren’t together doesnt mean they don’t care.
Sometimes you need to accept things the way they are. Theres no use in crying about it. I knew a girl who is now a woman, my age, I care about her she is resposible for some of the best feelings I’ve ever known just being in her presence. I dont know if its the same for her, Im not sure if I’m at the same level with her as she is to me, there really was nothing but a feeling between us, but I have accepted that maybe I let opportunities pass by thinking “not now but someday” and I stand by letting it go at the time, I think it was the right decision for me (us) at the time, but the problem is there was no next time and I’m sure she moved on, and that’s not her fault, she did what was right for her. I care about her, but I’m also an adult who realizes theres not much I can do about it. Shes nowhere in sight, I just have no idea, so I still care, but life needs to move on. I need to keep rolling. Theres no real point in crying over it or persuing it, how could I anyway? like I said I have no idea. But Im a big boy. I cant control that but I do need to work, and sleep so I can work. I can also whip out a guitar and catch a buzz of some tasty tunes that make me feel like a man and it keeps me alive.
But if we had another actual real life “run in” it would still be there for me AND THEN I might care a bit more depending on the vibe out of her and she would probably see it. Feel it.
Regardless of me feelings, it seems kind of pointless to throw energy at something that is just not there in more ways than one. It’s there but whats the point? Thats not really healthy.
Hopefully she can look back at that kid, and his goofy joking ways, trying to make her laugh, stupid smile and the fact that she thought he was cute, and how clearly he adored her. Then that other time years later, I know at that time I can sometimes look like I have a poker face. Not ahowing much but I would hope she knew what I felt then too amd what seeing her did to me. To the moon. Most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Mind blowing. I was think “how the f*** do I get so lucky in life, I fell for that as a kid, made her remeber me, and here we are, she is looking at ME, wanting to talk to me, following me hoping I didnt walk out the door and leave…. none of those guys I was with who I met right after we last saw each other, had that…” I have never been more glad to be me. F***, I s*** at pool. I S***. I f****** nailed every shot I took at that moment 🙂 I S***. I dont think I could keep my eyes off her very long that night. I hope she knows. What can I do? Gotta be a big boy.