God man you need to stop eating yourself up for 1, and just forget her. Get her out of your head.
Whats going on right now with you when it comes to her, and this is from experience, I will tell you exactly what you feel. You feel like a conplete fuckong moron sucker and she has ALL the power, you know you’ve made a conplete sap of yourself to her, you are chasing and she os running and the whole thing feels holeless on top of feeling like a needy clingy a**. You will be sitting out on the fuxking sidewalk with a glass of liquor in your hand, looking at the stars on this warn summer evening thinking “she is probably out feeling vibes with someone new not even thinking about you” you feel like a conplete piece of garbage at this particular time, she has the power and control and you have exactly nothing. You feel like a total loser, but dont kill yourself.
That is just right at this particular time. The only thing you can do right now to make s*** better for you, and it takes time, its not over night, but it could be a as little as a week or two, you need to stop now. Stop giving her air under her wings, and stop feeding a soul sucker. You are putting out some heavy energy, and nothing is refilling it. You cant do that for long. You need to stop being a sucker now and in a week or two you wont feel like such a sucker, buy dont quit there. Keep f****** going. Trust me, there is not a damn thing you can do to stear it back in. Even of you did, with this s*** your going through now, even if she gave, do you honestly believe something healthy could come from it? Given what you are going through now? Is that healthy? Sounds like mental torture.