I happen to be someone set free from people pleasing, yet I remain vain. Is that possible? I think it is. I no longer stay awake nights analyzing what I said, what was said to me, or how to handle a potential situation. But–I refuse to wear a hat unless the wind chill might kill me. I decided to stay back (which honestly, as an introvert felt like a gift) because my knee isn’t 100% and at 42, I felt vain about being seen in a wheelchair. I’m very sensitive to special needs and I wouldn’t think twice about anyone in a wheelchair. But somehow the thought of me in one as a viable way to navigate a park? Wouldn’t do it. The trek from the parking lot to my choice location was slow and painful. But I didn’t speak up to be dropped off or any other considerations. Anyone who reads here or on Facebook knows I remain passionately upset about the way I look. I’m on a FB group that shares my thoughts and a member posted a link from an article that ran in a Ladies Journal. Of all the awkward timed events, the article published after her dismissal, but was written beforehand. The article talks about how execs don’t tolerate gray hair and want fancy shoes. Someone remarked that as long as she is able to go gray, she will. Why? To honor her family as that was what they looked like her age. Well, my mom’s grays turned up at age 16, and my first popped up at 25. My mom’s side has beautiful snowy, white hair. My mom, thanks to Clairol, is a brunette who looks 50. She passed that year awhile back. I’m 42. I love’s her reasoning and thought maybe I too should embrace the gray. But for me, my hair is white, and I just can’t make that leap. Why? Vanity, my name is Julie. I’m not proud of it. In fact, our youngest turned 9 this week. I thought I was seeing things but on vacation my mom saw the same thing. Our daughter has a gray hair. At 9 years old. When I announced it, she was embarrassed and upset. I know where she got the negative connotation from.