because it was looking more and more glim at me being able to have a child I suggested in my notebook that I would donate my ovary eggs to someone so they could have a child…I felt that if I could not be good enough to get married or be a mother that at least it would be some relief on the matter for me to give that gift of a child to someone else who could not have a baby… and even that idea was stolen from me and they were trying to get my sister to do that instead of me … always getting my sister to do the things that I wanted … why would someone abuse me like that? the mary doo nan opposites/torture game again! my dna is not for sale ad hoc…
I may never be able to have a child.. but I did not want to have a child to just anyone I wanted to have some choice of a father or if it was random donated sperm and I guess I never would have known… but I did not want to know I had a child with someone I despised like the one of oldest and hated enemies or say the r***** ken who raped me, or someone with undesirable characteristics.
I guess all my ideas were just a big mistake.
