Hey A**** H… it not false hope. You’re not going anywhere here and you know that based on what I tell you and what I remember which is everything. You know it, and I have to say the idea of us doing things, and I mean things like everything, drives, diner, movie, even getting wasted for fun at home together, being with you, you dont know how many times in the 90’s, I had friends, but so many times at night, I would take my moms car and just drive around the city listening to the radio and the radio and music back then was so much different than now. I would be shooting for emo, and at the time like Ive said you were always there, I NEVER ever talked about you to anyone after… not one time. I kept you and what I had, You that heartbreak to me always thinking “maybe some day” but by that time in the 90’s, to me you had forgotten me. You were snatched up by a guy better than me long ago, maybe your high school sweet heart and thats life. Who am I? You were not at the top of my thoughs. I assumed you were happy and in good shape, but I realize now, I was never particularly hurt or longing for anyone enough to want to apply those emo feelings to the music I was listening to but I realise now, it was you and everything the goodbye or lack of it. Which is why when I think about the idea of being with you now, and image of night time driving in those areas also just pops into my minds eye. Mild weather, night, and a specific types of music. It would be “can we forget about the thngs I said when I was drunk… I didnt mean to call you that…”

But really, my hopes of us are up against more than your are with me, I think. And Im an adult. I respect and totally underatand. Im not going to get mad, or cause trouble, I look at it like I passed on opportunities, even if you were the best most amazingly beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life at the moment, partly because it was prettybclear I wasnt just some chump to you either. I let it go, more than once, and I would be wrong to blame anhome but me. Not BLAME me, I had reasons some that I felt were to the benefit of us, I didnt want to ruin it, but them’s the breaks. Does’t mean it doesnt s***, and it doesnt make me sad, or whatever, it is what it is and its not your fault. Ive known other women, they left me 🙂 Just say for example I really believed I was somethi g to her, and no other guy could ever duplicate it, I believed it, and I went through hell trying to let her go, she hasnt said a word to me in 15 years, Im not saying she wants me back, I dont want her, but just say she did, and she has like a 15 year old kid… 🙂 Its like yeah, no…. See then moving on would be wrong if you still felt for me.

Its not like I disappear without a word or a trace and then AGAIN pass on extremely rare opportunities over a decade later, and again, and then I attack your friends misinterpretting them trying to get my attention for/because of you, for an attack, and I fight back and you eventually decide to move on with your life because Im not there…. for whatever reason.

PS I uploaded a The Cars guitar jam yesterday last evening on YT, if you’re smart and you know me can find it like I want you to.