Would it have made a difference if I knew there were tears? Yeah. It would have. I might have kept in touch. I knew your phone number from the book. Your dad Ralph. If I’m being honest, even back then, there my circumstances and the reason I had to leave, I had no choice, to me it was also a way out of everything in my life there that just wasn’t working out or didn;lt fit me, or I didn’t fit it and one of those things (to me) was you. I didn’t believe you liked me like that or you ever would. There was a lot of stuff I was calling it quits on and ready to start over somewhere else, but you were one of those things. There was no hate or anger, but I think part of me was like “well, fuck her then, now we’re gonna see if she/they care…” even though I wasn’t going to see it.
I keep running things through my mind though about back then, I remember more than your average person about my life no matter how far back. I know my mom went to pick up some things my stuff or whatever, she brought this card to me, I remember that, I remember looking for specific names and I couldn’t find them. Maybe I just misread or wasn’t able to tell, but to me they weren’t and it just reinforced what I believed. I was already sad over more than just that, I already believed certain things weren’t going to happen. I think she went there with my aunt some time, I’m trying to remember if I heard either of them said to me “this one girl was very upset, this one girl” something like that, but I can’t.