I wonder what its like when the man in your life cares about you. REALLY CARES what you think and feel and wants you to be well and wouldn’t dream of letting you worry because of him. And makes sure you are fed and taken care of–and WANTS to make you happy. Really SEE you be happy. And works hard to make it so. A man who keeps you in mind. Not a man who keeps you in mind as someone to be suspicious of. I don’t know what that’s like. It’s not that I want another man in my life right now. I just wonder what it’s like to have… a partner. Backup. Someone that has your back. That cares… what is that like? Who says in his heart and to you, “I WANT to take care of you.” and loves it and enjoys that he can and he does. Maybe someday I will know what that is but for right now I don’t and I kind of feel I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I did meet or have someone like that. And as worn out as I am right now, I don’t even really care if it happens. I know I’ll always be okay by myself when R and I are no longer together. But I still can’t help but wonder what it’s like.
