So I’ve been silently freaking out my whole adolescence about the dreams I have about my friends who are girls (I’m a girl too) and how I might be bi-s*****. I know it’s not a bad thing. I know that I shouldn’t feel shame in it (doesn’t stop it though)
But I finally confided in someone at the lovely age of 18. She’s a good friend of mine that I’d known for a few years and she is bisexual so I figured I could tell her without worrying about anything. Plus she moved away so if she react bad then I would have to deal with the weirdness face to face.
So I told her and she was very supportive and nice about it. But the thing is…. I think I have a crush on her. And I don’t want to. Not because she’s not a great person who’s amazing and s***. But because she lives in another state now and she’s into someone else and it’d just be a disaster anyways.
I can’t stop thinking about her. I keep checking my facebook just to see if she’s online. When she talks to me it’s the highlight of my day. I’m kinda depressed the rest of the time because… I don’t know, just am. I’ve always battle depression, even if it’s not diagnosed. But it’s so not right. I can’t like her like that because she’s one of my best friends.
I keep telling myself that maybe I only THINK I like her because she’s so nice and supportive and she once admitted that she had a crush on me at one point so maybe I’m subconsciously thinking that there’s a chance there? It’s stupid. I can’t tell her. That’d be a bad move. Awkward.
But I don’t know what to do. I’m freaking out. Inside. Always inside, never out :/
