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My name is Jamie and I’m a thirteen year old boy. I live in a comfortable well-off town east of San Francisco. I had always been a very smart and curious kid. Although I am in very muscular, I do not play many sports – so I spend lots of time on the internet. I started to get curious about drugs and alcohol, but knew I shouldn’t be using. I had a keen interest in psychedelic substances; I knew everything from chemical structures to what plants had different tryptamines, etc. I had been depressed (How could a well off white boy be depressed) because I had been the b*** of the family, as the youngest, my brother and my dad were mean to me and my father had always screamed at me and held me up against the wall. I spent most days depressed. I thought I had nothing to lose, so one evening when my parents were gone I drank my sorrows away until I passed out. I then vomited. “Hey what happened?” me: “I think I got food poisoning.” At the time I was twelve years of age. Soon after I began making California Poppy tea; a mild sedative with anxiolytic properties. I binged on that substance, I felt good, but I wanted to travel the vast chasms of my complex introversive mind. In other words, ingest Cannabis in some way. A great friend of mine was smoking weed most likely because his brother was a stoner. I tried cannabis. Loved it. No stress. I could be sociable. So relaxing. I began writing down each dosage and effects. I got ahold of a potent, high THC cannabis strain. I began smoking the small amount I had and It sent me out of this world. Damn. Anyway, 13th birthday, few months pass, I find some ambien in my mothers cabinet to help me fall asleep. It made me feel drunk in an odd way. Non addictive for me. I got ahold of some Robaxin (Hydrocarbamol) a muscle relaxer. Then I find the most potent h******* of them all. Valium. ‘Diazepam’. I knew from my extensive research on benzos that this relieves anxiety. Skip foward through the summer, I drink on occasion, Smoke on occasion, and poppy tea on occasion. But near the end of summer, I take robaxin, drink, smoke weed, and CA poppy tea. Binge. I have a secret stash of the pills. I had 30mg total of 3x 10mg pills of valium. First week of school: No drugs at all. Friday: I bring 10mg of valium to school inside a chapstick case. I was planning on going to hang out with smart and kind girl, Her name will be disclosed, but I was anxious so i brought the valium. Anyway; school day ended. I went to the bathroom. Looked at the pill and said, “This small pill. Will change my life forever. See you on the other side Jamie.” popped the pill; walked out and f*** I was f****** fucked no f****** way I could hang out with this girl. walked to mcdonalds with my friends and we ordered, and I went into the jungle gym and I was fucked. I don’t remember much but we scootered somewhere… fast forward, I got home, with my 2 friends and we binge on CA poppy tea so were kinda lazy, I keep drinking that tea. I go into my alcohol stash and chug some grain alcohol, go on my roof and smoke some weed, then pop an ambien. Im f****** fucked out of my f****** mind. Nobody notice me fucked up until my friend found my pill stash and freaked out and I told em’ everything. Wow. They through the pills away and goddamn I was so sad to se that valium go. But it had to. I was crying my eyes out and they just understood. I just felt so happy on these prescription drugs and weed and alcohol, I liked to take a break from reality and i miss it so much but Im not innocent anymore.
I’m not a victim. I lost my innocence and wish I had it.