I was going to post this on a rant page but then I realised this isn’t really a rant. I just wanted to get a few things off my chest. Plus, I’m not really one for ranting. It’s a pretty unhealthy way to stew in negative emotions and I like to see myself in the most optimal conditions as positive, healthy, go-better, intelligent, confident and humble. I did say optimal conditions… Also I’d prefer to spend my time with people like that. They say misery loves company and that is for certain, so as much patience as I have that people go through stuff, so do others. But I hardly find myself being a negative Nancy or complaining (internet is a different thing – it’s out there, it’s no-one’s problem but mine and it’s anonymous…)

1. Today is Shabe Yalda – the longest night of the year. I had intentions of celebrating this – as I generally do but looks like this year is going to be a miss for me. After Halloween and New Year’s, this is one of my favourite holidays.

2. I want to be a surgeon. That’s it. Off my chest. I could list a 101 reasons why I want to but those are my own reasons. The list is endless.

3. I believe in a work hard, play hard mentality. My ideal approach or vision would be to live a full life. A life where when I look back I can say I did everything. I have had a lot of misspent youth figuring out what is right for me and I am solid in that. I fought for a lot of freedoms and, consequently, have lost a lot of people in my life because of that. Stubbornness, pig-headedness however other would want to see it. But to me, after watching all the women in my family and in my culture not have choices, I realised this was a life I could not live and I wanted more for myself. This means that marriage and kids are not my cup of tea. It’s a pity the men I adored the most in my life – my father and my two younger brothers (i.e. my buds, my minions) could not see me eye to eye on this.

4. I’m looking forward to next year.

5. I’m lucky to be educated and live in a country that offers more than what my culture and religion could.

6. I hope that with this, I can actually make something of myself, and climb whatever challenge I have set for myself in the fore-seeable future. It means sacrificing a lot things for a longer-term gratification.

7. Why is everyone giving me easy things to do? This baffles me.

8. I am special, I am important, I have a voice.

9. I have my eyes set on Cambridge.

10. I (pause for 15 minutes) why is this most difficult thing to splurge? Probably because I’m mostly immune to it. I’ve got the feels and it’s not good. I’m going to punch a wall.