Sometimes, I just hate why I ended up with my current boyfriend.. It's not that I don't like or love him, but I feel my life completely went upside down

7 years

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Sometimes, I just hate why I ended up with my current boyfriend..

It’s not that I don’t like or love him, but I feel my life completely went upside down because of him. I just wanted some love. Why did I ended up with this?

If it’s not because of him, I wouldn’t have to stop studying.
If it’s not because of him, I would have helped my parents.
If it’s not because of him, I will still see and be with my family every month, week, or so.
If it’s not because of him, I would have still in contact with my friends.
If it’s not because of him, I will still be able to explore my life.
If it’s not because of him, I would still get to make my dreams come true.
If it’s not because of him, I wouldn’t have to keep his baby. He promised he can raise the kid and give him at least a chance to be a father. BUT I AM NOT SEEING ANY INITIATION FROM HIM THAT HE WANTS TO BE A FATHER.
If it’s not because of him, I would still have my own freedom.

Ever since I get to be with him, everything turned around. My life was a complete mess before I met him. It got messier when I met him. I love him but there’s something wrong.

I must admit, I have the mistake as well since I let myself decide without thinking. He is my first boyfriend and I was too blinded by his love and lies. He ran his pretty mouth into me and made me believe that I can get the fairy tale life I was dreaming of if I stay with him. Stupid me, now I am suffering. Haha.

Most of the time, I feel like I am being jailed by him. Do not do this, do not do that. So many restrictions. He doesn’t even want me to get a job because ‘a man should provide everything’ which makes me feel like I am just freeloading from his money. I understand that he’s just trying to protect me from bad stuffs but I feel like I am not free at all. Then let’s add my current situation of being pregnant as well. It made me feel much worse. I don’t get to fully experience how is it to be a young adult.

I am not blaming him for everything. I just hate how things like this happened to me when I get to be with him..

It makes me feel much more that it’s better if I disappear in this world to escape everything. But I can’t, because I love him and my family.

But I am just so confused what to do.

I need help.

New Confession

Dalton, You know, it’s strange. Somebody else asked me if I was afraid today.
I am afraid.
I’m afraid of what happens when somebody pushes me too far. Somebody just like you. ‘Cause I know what happens next
I snap their fuckinn neck and shatter their skull .

Wade Garrett

Related Confessions

I have to admit that I love to flash my c*** to adult women, of any age actually. I flash my c*** in my car, on webcams or in hotel windows overlooking parking lots or beaches like in Florida. My c*** is slightly larger than “average” but certainly not huge. Two women have told me that my c*** is really hard. I believe that several women have seen me though none have reported me and that’s a good thing.

One time in Florida I was laying on the lounge with my c*** surreptiously sticking out the side. Across the deck was a beautiful black haired lady in a bikini. She had really b*******. She was wearing sunglasses and getting some sun. Her lounge was slightly elevated but I couldn’t tell if her eyes were open. If they were she would have seen my c*** which of course was really exciting me. We were like that for about 15 minutes when another lady approached her and said something. She sat up, raised her glasses and took a clear look at me. She then lowered her glasses and resumed her position. She didn’t do or say anything. The only thing she did was bend her knee blocking my view between her legs. I didn’t trust the other lady so I left right away. That lady really took it in stride. I often wonder if she was offended, neutral or excited.

One night I was cruising with my c*** in my hand looking for a flashing opportunity. Up ahead was a girl hitchiking. She was wearing a loose dress from what I could see in the headlights and she was perfect. I decided to offer her a ride with my c*** out. If she got in, great and if she did not that was cool. I pulled up beside her and she opened the door. When that happened the interior light came on. She could see my c*** but I was so excited that c** exploded out of my c***. It happened so fast that I reached over, closed the door and took off.

I often wonder what she thought. Oh yeah, I also j******* to those memories.