I am a monster. Everyone says that when they feel like they have done something to hurt another and regret it. It's been said so often that it has lost

13 years

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I am a monster. Everyone says that when they feel like they have done something to hurt another and regret it. It’s been said so often that it has lost meaning. But as I sit here, in the dark and feeling awful, I can’t come up with another word for me.

Wouldn’t it be nice to forget the things we have done and move on? If I were to resolve to never do it again, and the pain was gone just as swiftly as the deed? I can only imagine such a world, inside my mind, right next to the pain.

I talk to other men. I flirt with them. Every so often, I’ll have s** with one of them. Every time the s** is done, I feel sick. I hate myself and say “G******* it, why did you do that? You’re f****** twisted!”. And I’m right. When I am h****, I turn into this w****. I feel like have s** with anyone, man or woman. I flirt, even when I don’t intend to. I become so engrossed in feeling s***** pleasure, that I lose sight of my man.

My man is perfect. I love him more than stars in the sky. I think about him all the time. We’re so happy when we’re near each other. Yet, it only makes my past actions hurt deeper. Every kiss is a knife to my heart. I can’t stand being me, knowing what I have done. And I know if he ever found out, he’d be hurt. He would cry, and hate me forever. Then, when it’s all said and done, I would never feel again.

I am a monster. I will consume until nothing is left.

New Confession

Last week my aunty Vivian visited. I love netlike my own mom. How about a bath before lunch? She asked? Sure I said . I’ma 13 yr old girl but aunty does a “special” bath . Sometimes my mommy is in the room and sometimes Billy my step brother. O just close my eyes and enjoy. She fills the hot tub and I get in. Here sweetie. Sit on this soft seat. It only left my Fanny in a little water. She started at my feet. She knew I was ticklish and went slowly teeen each toe. Since my legs were spread open she slipped her soapy hands up my thighs to cup my peepee. Have to per sweetie? No aunty. Back to my feet. I loved her soapy hands on my feet. My peeee got all tingly. I dawmy little t****** n****** getting stiff snd rubbed my palms over my breasts. Your toes marking your. Peepee tingle a little? I’m hummed I said. Take a deep breath and hold it. I did so. Hrrr soapy hands on my slid up my leg, scratched my thigh a little, slid onto my peepee and quickly plunged up into my peepee hole. The hot hard pain speared my brain. Oooooowwweewwe I yelled.i lookkedddoen to see blood in the water. Auntys finger was deep inside my peepee hole. She was moving her finger in and out and out. O more pain. She them washed my t******, my Fanny, and I stood to dry. She held me close and whispered to me. Now your peepee is worth gold seeetie. Lots of gold.

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