I’ve been unhappy with life for as long as I can remember. I hate a lot of people, but most of all, I hate myself for what I am and what I have become.

13 years

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I’m ugly and fat. No amount of cosmetic surgery or dieting will change how I feel about my appearance. I like men who are more attractive than I am in every way. I’m laughably ambitious.

I’m stupid. I thought I destined for better things. I thought wrong. The truth is, I’m just some academic wannabe who is incredibly insecure about how much knowledge and skills she lacks.

I’m useless. I have no talents, no gift, no interests, no passion for anything. I sleep, eat and study and that’s it. I have nothing going for me in this life.

I’m lazy. I never complete tasks. I pay attention to the details and forget the full picture. Then, when I realise I’m so far behind, I give up.

No one really likes me. All I hear is the negative things.

I’m so insecure with who I am that I have created an imaginary universe in which I am not any of the above things I have mentioned. I interact with people I like and have romantic relations with them. I’m successful, smart and s***. Bad things happen but I know how to deal with them and I have someone to talk to. I am happy in that world, but I can’t linger for long. Reality hits- in the morning, usually, when I realise I have to face yet another day.

I deserve to die. I am a waste of space and resources. I won’t miss my friends or my mother; I will be dead and without feeling. I won’t experience my death; they will. And for that, I am truly sorry.

I love you. Goodbye.

New Confession

Last week my aunty Vivian visited. I love netlike my own mom. How about a bath before lunch? She asked? Sure I said . I’ma 13 yr old girl but aunty does a “special” bath . Sometimes my mommy is in the room and sometimes Billy my step brother. O just close my eyes and enjoy. She fills the hot tub and I get in. Here sweetie. Sit on this soft seat. It only left my Fanny in a little water. She started at my feet. She knew I was ticklish and went slowly teeen each toe. Since my legs were spread open she slipped her soapy hands up my thighs to cup my peepee. Have to per sweetie? No aunty. Back to my feet. I loved her soapy hands on my feet. My peeee got all tingly. I dawmy little t****** n****** getting stiff snd rubbed my palms over my breasts. Your toes marking your. Peepee tingle a little? I’m hummed I said. Take a deep breath and hold it. I did so. Hrrr soapy hands on my slid up my leg, scratched my thigh a little, slid onto my peepee and quickly plunged up into my peepee hole. The hot hard pain speared my brain. Oooooowwweewwe I yelled.i lookkedddoen to see blood in the water. Auntys finger was deep inside my peepee hole. She was moving her finger in and out and out. O more pain. She them washed my t******, my Fanny, and I stood to dry. She held me close and whispered to me. Now your peepee is worth gold seeetie. Lots of gold.

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