The tiny bit of luck I got here wasn’t enough.

My sister’s girlfriend, who I love, called me out on it (I s*** at conversation when I’m anxious, so apparently I gave it away). She did so by saying she loves me too. Not platonically. This was this past Sunday. So, Sunday through Tuesday (my schedule), we sat and talked after work. We’re not acting on our feelings aside from stating that we love each other (and heavy amounts of flirting and perverted jokes, both of which are normal for me regardless).

My issue here is that I’m paranoid. My self-esteem is so low that a good chunk of me feels that my sister caught wind of my feelings and put her girlfriend up to it. Like, I’m just waiting for the “punked” anmouncement or for people to get angry with me. I want so bad for her to love me and yet I’m automatically considering it beyond the realm of possibility.

I can’t rationalize with myself very well. I know that whether she loves me or not won’t change the situation overall but, at the same time, I don’t want to be alone in these feelings.

I fully accept that someone may have been in the same boat as me before. If anyone here has, what are your thoughts. Do you lean more towards love (thumbs up)? Or more towards sick joke (down)? Aside from my sister putting her up to it, I see no reason for her to lie like this. My sister and I get along great, but her sense of humor can be pretty messed up sometimes.