I’m feeling so distraught and fucked up lately it’s been hard for me to sleep or even be alive for that matter. I found out my ex girlfriend who I had been with for over a year and three months cheated on me about three months ago and I still haven’t been able to fully process it or handle it or really get over it. I’ve tried so hard, I spent all the money I had saved working before (it was season work in the winter) and now i feel like a broke loser I crashed my mom’s car when it was raining cause I hydroplaned and almost killed myself as well as my friend,his girlfriend and her friend ans even though no one died i still feel super guilty my mom is in debt ans I can’t even help her right now I feel like no one wants to really talk to me and I’m useless asf and I feel inadequate and useless in so many ways in life. I always tried to make my gf c** and she always told me I did multiple times I’d go down on her I’d feel her legs shake during and after I loved her si much and pleasing her and now it’s like life has such little to offer it feel so s*** like I want things to work out and maybe if more girls were interested I’d be handling it better but the truth is they’re not, I hooked up with two different people since but one was an old friend and the other was someome I didn’t find too physically attractive at all but still went for it cause I knew they wanted to f*** and i told them I didn’t Want anything serious and only wanted to hook up with no strings ajd they agreed before I did anything but I still don’t feel great about it. I really wanna feel loved romantically again but I know it’s stupid and I have to focus on me now but it’s so hard I’m so lonely i wanna cuddle and kiss and hold someone and make them c** like I just really liked taking care of my gf and I have nothing now and I’m trying to take care of myself but I’m a mess I stopped drinking as much as I was for a while but it’s still been hard i want to a lot even though I tell myself I don’t I’m so utterly sad and I don’t know how she could do this to me u tried my f****** best and like I really wish it weren’t like this I’ve considered ending my life ,maybe in front of her ro prove a