7 years
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He was just a close friend to me started from last year. This year, he confessed his feeling to me. I still remembered it was my first time wearing a red dress confidently. I was so happy on that day because it was the first day of Chinese New Year. He came for my open house at 7pm something with his friends. He was quite drunk. I can smell alcohol from him. He told me he was sober. After he went home, he asked me if i want to go to the next level with him. Well, i did say yes. Started from that day, he was not just my close friend, he is my sunshine, my man, my driver,… my teacher? I dont really remember.
One day,
I caused a scene that caused him mad.
I apologised.
I then gave him space. A lot of space. For himself, his family, his friends.
After that we dont talk to each other anymore.
We were classmates. He was one of my deskmate. I had 4 deskmates, alright? Lol.
One day,
He was murmuring, I can hear it clearly. “It wasn’t love.” I heard that.
That was after 1 month of silent between us.
This kind of relationship got me lost control. I was so heart broken. How can a person Changed so drastically?
2 months later. He asked for a break. He said he can’t give comitments anymore. I cried. Bitterly. It was 12/4/2019. I still can remembered the date.
But i told him to postponed his request, i got things to settle first.

This is too childish for me. Postponed? Lol i guess i was out of my mind.

And from that day, neither a friend or a foe, he is nobody to me. I set that in my mind.

What should I do? All those memories still lingering on my mind. I quit on my school and decided to further study in other school. Guess what, he never ask me abt that.

I expected him to care abt my leaving, seems like i am the one who still dont get what is real break up is.

I should wake up now. The more I think abt him, the more I feel pain. I wanted to forget abt him. But all those memories keep lingering. I hate this so much.

I got lots of things to tell. But most of the epic and confusing parts, i cut it all. So it will be like i am the one who did wrong, i am the one who still cant move on.

New Confession

Living with my aunt continued…..i found the courage to tell her i was grateful for her help and guidance with my self pleasure addiction. She acknowledged it sincerely but also laughed, teasing me by saying that i would have thanked any woman for letting me touch myself while naked with me in her shower. But then she cupped my cheek in her hand and told me it was all going to be okay, that she would help me through all the shame and guilt amd awkwardness and embarassment of it all. We had a casual day watching endless old movies together. She noticed that occasionally i would be restless and knew i was feeling the urges to touch myself. She rightly told me to not obsess over my memories of our morning shower, and distracted me by making me look in detail at the actresses in the movies we watched. Details of what i found most attractive about them head to toe. As i answered she often simply commented that my answers were interesting and unexpected. She pushed me to even answer her questions about what i would want to do s e x ually with each of them. I ended up intensely aroused talking about all these things with her and when i would involuntarily reach down to myself she would remind me….only if i asked and she gave permission. By the end of the last movie i was aching to touch myself and she just looked at me smiling, knowing that i was so desperate to play with myself and so embarassed to ask, and she said she couldnt give permission if i did not ask. I said please, i got please what in response, and she made me have to ask the complete question. I finally got it out and was stunned when she said no. She told me to stand and turn my back to her and open my pants and get my e r e c tion adjusted upward and close my pants again. She took one of the vhs movies and put it playimg again, and told me to lay on the floor on my stomach facing the tv and watch. I obeyed and she told me that i could c u m when i wanted, and i reached under myself but she snapped a stern NO. That she did not say i could touch myself, only that i could c u m when i wanted. I was so frustrated and confused but as i loked at the actresses again and remembered all we had talked about them in explicit detail, i did not quite realize i had begun grinding my hips but soon i was actively dry h****** the floor. She eventually stood over me and put a foot on my b*** and told me to slow down, sometimes telling me to stop entirely, amd i was gasping and squirming with desire. Eventually she chose for me because when one actress appeared my hips squirmed even more and she said simply ,” her….c u m for her”. I began dry h****** frantically in my pants but the scene ended before i finished. My aunt rewound it and said….again. it was repeated several times until finally with my aunt encouraging and coaching me, telling me to re imagine the things i had said i wanted to do with that actress, finally i desperately sobbed and released inside my pants. My aunt sat down next to me on the floor, telling me i had done well, called me a good boy, which did the most unholy things to me emotionally and mentally, but she kepy telling me she was so proud of me and rubbing my back and shoilders as i caught my breath. Then a swat on my b*** cbeek and she said let’s get you cleaned up. We walked to the bathroom and i undressd while she started the shower but she told me to get in and get cleaned up, she was only there to make shre i did not try to sneakily m a s turbate without her. It was very disappointing but becsuse i had spent so much energy getting myself off in my pants dry h****** the floor that i was unsure i would have anyway. But as i showered to clean up i was reminded of the morning shower with my aunt and my body began getting aroused again and my aunt asked if my new e r e c tion was for her. I admitted it was and she made me admit that it was because i liked being watched naked and she sat there smiling and told me to remember i had to ask, and i had to admit that it was about her watchimg me. She was clothed and told me to stop looking down as i eagerly played with myself and told me that even a lesbian expects to be looked in the eye when they were the subject of someine’s self pleasure. When she could tell i was close she told me to c u m for her snd i did so instantly, moaning and gasping. Once i recovered and cleaned up she told me that she also expected me to thank her for letting me make myself c u m for her, and i swore i would never forget again. She helped me towel dry and told me to not bother getting dressed, that she didnt want to be forced to figure out if i got aroused again. She let me lay stretched out with my head on a pullow in her lap with her hand stroking my cheek until bedtime as she decided, and i was groggy from having c u m twice in short order. She slept in her bra and oanties spooning me from behind while i was still bare, and i drifted off quickly. I woke a few hours later realizing i was hard again and stirred, waking my aunt up. She had me lay on my back with her alongside me in the dark talking to me softly, telling me to think about the actress, talking quite explicitly, and it did not take long before i spurted on my stomach, mid o r g a s m crying out thank you, she made me say it fully, and she got a towel for me to clean up with. Next thimg i knew it was morning and she was tickling me and telling me it was morning shower time.

To be continued..

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