I’m no ones favorite. I’ve never had a best friend. Even my own family shuts me out. It’s always been this way. Like I’ve been cursed for something I did in a past life or for something I’ve yet to do. Its not fair. It’s never been fair. I’ll never forget when it finally cracked me. I was with friends. They got invited to a party by some fellow classmates that we saw while we were hanging. They declined and we went about our business. We all passed out at one of our houses. Or so I thought. Unbeknownst to me at the time, they only pretended to fall asleep. They left to go to this party. (We had been day drinking and passed out around 9) I remember waking up to piss and everyone was gone. (It wasn’t my house so atleast one person should have been there) I called and none of them answered. I “found out” (I had already suspected what had happened) the next morning when I saw Instagram posts of the party with my friends in the pics. At first I was angry, jealous even. But that quickly faded and in its place a deep deep sadness came over me. And it broke me. I withdrew from the world and hid in my room, drinking my sorrows away. Often crying myself to sleep in my shower with an almost completely drunken bottle of wine. Only to wake up feeling more miserable than I did the day before (wine hangovers are no f****** joke) One night however instead of becoming extremely sad and drunk, I became agitated. Everything that had every happened to me as a result of being neglected or kept in the shadows for no damn reason hit me and it hit me with a vengeance. I went on a rampage. I called every single person in my life that had treated me like s*** out and put them on notice. Telling them that what they had done or lack thereof hadn’t gone unnoticed. And that I was no longer going to roll over and play dead for anyone for any reason. You either want me in your life or you don’t. And with that comes being open with me. If you can’t talk to me like I’m an equal there’s no reason for you to exist in my life. And my “circle” of friends and family shrunk rapidly. As many thought they had done nothing wrong. And some of them might not have necessarily done anything heinous, but they also kept me on the edges, just within reach but not close enough to feel. But that didn’t matter to me. Not then. I was hell bent on reclaiming control over my life, and if that meant putting some people down, even if they were collateral damage, I was going to do it. No one in my life will ever do to me what these people did to me ever again. If you can’t be transparent with me, you’re a waste of space and not worth my time. I may have become a monster in some eyes, but sometimes you have to be if you want respect.