I want to understand why I am the way that I am. Like I want to be studied/ Psychoanalyzed. Like by all accounts I should be a redneck conservative that praises Jesus all f****** day. But instead, I’m a video game loving, anime watching, quirky dork that has an absolute disdain for organized religion and conservatism. And that’s just a broad generalization. Because I realize that’s not an uncommon group to be apart of coming from that background. There’s other things that I can’t quite put into words that make me want this. Like I feel like a walking contradiction, a paradox, an enigma if you will. Who I amas a person doesn’t make sense. And at times I feel a bit narcissistic feeling that I’m unique to the point where I feel justified in wanting a study on myself done. and it crushes the thought because I despise arrogance. But at the same time I feel like there is merit to this line of thinking. That maybe I am worth studying. I mean you never know right? They could discover some weird abnormality in my brain or discover some new disorder. It happens. I just really want to know why I ended up being who I am. i Want to understand the reasoning. It drives me up a wall some days thinking about this. Ugh.