Apparently i am 15.
I have no IRL friends what so ever. I mean I do have lots of online friends
But I feel like it’s never going to work. I always feel number two or always the last every time I tried, but someone always there being better than me and having better things. I don’t blame them it’s their right to be happy but i can’t help but to feel jealous.
Rich, pretty, lots of friends. Smart, talented.
And I’m here just rotting away by my sadness. I used to be great and now it’s dying. I keep going back and forth from wanting to fix myself and be better to I want to die and nothing matters anymore. People hated me. I’m a s*** and a disgusting mess and I deserve to die. I’ve been cutting for about 5 years selfharm since I was like 7 I don’t like this and I’m addicted to it right now I mean I stop cutting but the urge is still there. I want to cut but if the scars are there my dad might actually kill me.. Literally. And I don’t want to see him take his own daughter’s life and I don’t want to disappoint them. I’m tired of living.
But I met a guy who’s willing to help me trough the internet but he is like 4 years older than me. He is great but now I’m scared to disappoint him as well so I began to hide my emotions from him from my family everyone.
I’m scared
I won’t tell anyone they might send me to a f****** asylum.
I’m tired
Stomach cramps ,headaches, puffy eyes, sore neck.
I hate myself
I wish I can be someone else
I want to die
I’m scared
I’m really really scared.