I am not crying physically, But my heart is bleeding and crying and aching. It is so sore that idk what to do Why do ppl dislike me so much? Can you see

13 years

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I am not crying physically,
But my heart is bleeding and crying and aching.
It is so sore that idk what to do
Why do ppl dislike me so much?
Can you see the change in me and forget my past?
Pls move on from my past and see the new in me
Ppl say that changed ppl change ppl
But it is harder than it seems
Why can’t ppl stop dwelling in the past?
Can life just get better?
Can I past a month without feeling an ounce of sadness or frustration at all?
Can life pls help me.
Ppl say that God only gives you problems you can handle
I am surprised at how much I have handled as well
But can I take a break, like a break forever from all the s*** in life?
It isn’t easy to live a life ppl want you to be
But at least I know it is better than living as myself
I am hated for my true self
So I know clearly what a lie it is when ppl say “be yourself!”
The worst lie anyone can tell me
Can life just get better?
Let’s just hope and pray that things will get better
And ppl that will stay in my life forever will stay
Let’s hope the saying is true
” things happen for a reason”
And that I will be stronger with each passing obstacle in my life
I want to bw moulded to be a better person
A more likeable one
A more pleasant one
A pretty one on the inside
And hopefully, life will mould me to become someone like that
And that there will be no more unhappiness in my life

New Confession

He agreed to it at my request to fulfill a fantasy of mine but it was so much more than i expected. We lay bare on our sides on the grass in my back yard as the thunderstorm raged, the torrential rain a sideshow to how we passionately accepted each other’s hard flesh into our mouths. We both released with indescribable joy and intensity, but not swallowimg. When we both stopped moaning around softening flesh and fighting to not swallow by rapturous instinct, we both sat up and kissed long and ravenously as we shared our intimate nectar. His tasted so salty sweeter than his father’sb that i had fed upon many times. Finally we swallowed the blend of ourselves. After we kissed and shared, I took the 18 year old neighbor’s son into my house, shower, and bed as my dark house waa lit only by flashes of the lightning outsise. We lay tangled and breathless as hands and lips roamed ragain, until i lay my 64 year old head on his stomach, cupped his crawling orbs warmly, and slowly suckled him hard and limp again and again…..from the diary of the closet neighborhood cocksucker

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