I want to know why no one helped me why no one took the child s***** abuse seriously when I was a child. why was this man allowed to rove around molesting without reprimand ?

it does not seem right to me.

here I was daily left with a man who was a s***** deviant on little children as young as 4 and 5.

I just think its so sick. 10 years of this man abusing is not supposed to effect me in some peoples book is just hurting me, when even to this date with much of my writing I still feel unlistened to, unimportant and hurt. I wish I could talk to someone more about details and how I really feel in the privacy of a room. I see a male much older doctor and I talk about somethings yet still feel extremely uncomfortable. I think if I spoke to a nicer female specialist who won’t abuse me it might help but I am afraid to now, I don’t know if a male younger specialist doctor would make much difference to now. I can’t talk about somethings with a man that I can with a woman in the same way. if I said “this is how it really felt and these are the nice bits and these are the crappy bits I am not sure if a man will understand the same way a woman would?” how he abused me and him touching me and his actions and controlling and his lying and double standards really hurt me. how can I expect a love interest to understand? I want a boyfriend young and full of love for me without labeling me as what he did to me. because I am a lot more than what he did to me. I am a person.

I feel cheated and I don’t know how to resolve it.

would a court room resolve this anyway? would a man or a job?

I will try better tomorrow to look in the mirror and find the answers to past all this and make a life.

I feel like I am waiting for some guy to just say “I love you no matter of what he did” or to take me out without so much judgment.

I feel stuck at the moment. I wrote to law firms but I don’t expect much to be resolved. nothing seems to.