All my life, I just had this urge to be loved. Never understood what it was until my dad left my mom in 2009 to be with some other chick he was caught in an affair with. My mother would cry herself to sleep. My older sister would always we viciously beaten, more than the rest of us. She’d be called a s*** and a w****, she was just a middle-schooler.
And so, I discovered something about myself. I’m not real. I’m an invisible girl, who can easily be stepped on because they think I don’t care or i’m not there. I ell in the worse depression in my lie. I had an eating disorder, I’d binge and binge till I felt numb. I’d be horribly bullied and harassed and made fun o at school. My friends stopped being my friends since i became fat and quiet. My life fell apart. My teachers looked me up and down too in a disgusted way.
I had let myself crumble. And, in the summer of 2015, i became a molestation victim.
I was barely in my double digits too. And now I feel like after confessing about the assault to my sisters last month, they don’t really care.
I can tell they’re broken like me. They can’t help me.
Wanna hear a funny thing?
The second oldest would always abuse me. Verbally and rarely physically. Call me retarded, lie about throwing me head first when i was first born, etc. And she was the first to break down in tears when I confessed. What does that mean?
I’m recovering from my ED, trying to exercise in p.e (the safe way) because i don’t and will never be allowed to go to a proper gym. I’m still pretty over weight: 5’3, 160 pounds. I’m supposed to be near 110 I believe. All I know is i’m trying to make progress. losing fifty pounds is hard.
sorry I didn’t mention, but my father returned in 2013-14, I don’t remember, but i do remember being distant from him. I was 3 when he left (2009) and then I was around seven. I am now turning thirteen. I my depression is slowly fading, but there are some loose ends to be t******. I am hopefully beginning my journey of self love and trying to forgive myself of that event I had pent up for 3 and a half years.
To all of you had had a similar experience, I know it seems hard, but it will only get worse i you don’t let your tears out and tell somebody. Someone will always love, doesn’t have to be your family, doesn’t have to be a friend. Just keep in mind that you’ll meet the best person in your lif that will make you laugh and smile again. I know I did. I am proud to be a strong female and wish that no other person lives their live the way I lived mine. You only live once. <3 🙂