failing is so hard to bare and it does not help people saying “it will work out, we don’t all have to be law graduates or whatever” ok sure but I must have been mad having a dream. I love wll but he has never shown much to me of his feelings in a softer light.
I am not in the position to just chose and throw away people. the fact is I really love a lot of guys and I wish that I could just have some time with them alone or together even getting to know them like friends do. I know when I was mixing with a group the guy I liked was having s** with heaps of girls and to him it was all separate from each other when they were together at parties or meetings you would not have known who is was doing on the side. he had one girlfriend he was steady with but was having se with heaps of girls on the side. a dangerous game for some and for others fun. I just wish I could have a group of friends and I know I could love a few guys for a lot of different reasons. but I am more likely to be the faithful type in a committed relationship. I know some couples do play the field and even while married have other partners after the gleam has worn off the relationship they move on to others or some people just always play the game married or single. I am not like that but that does not mean I can’t have close good friends to hug and tell them I love them. if nothing else. I don’t know if it makes sense to anyone. I like a lot of guys but I have a some closer to heart then others but I am very single and very lonely and afraid of my mind. I am distressed by my mind with so much vampire and goth stuff so I have stopped reading some of it for something more my old style with is just historical or Victorian love and mystery, at the moment I am finishing one vampire story set in Egypt and to be honest its been hard to read for me. I am more a Gatsby or brideshead sort of reader then goth. I will read the series of vampire stories soon.