I’m so tired of life. I’m tired of this sh*t we call life. Mainly I’m disappointed in myself. That I’m not doing everything I should be doing.
I’m no fulfilling my potential. I go to a school where you have to test to get into it. Somehow I made it in, but I feel like there are so many more people who deserve to be in my school instead of me.
I feel like I’m being left behind. I feel stupid and unhelpful.
I’m not contributing anything, I’m just burdening everyone around me. I don’t want to tell my friends because I would just burden them. They would worry for me. I know that that’s supposedly what friends are for, but I can’t do that to them.
Some people think I’m perfect, like “Wow, you’re so smart and have things together.” I feel bad for showing them this lie of myself. That I’m distraught, that I feel like a failure.
One of my friends was asking me what he has in his life, he has nothing going for him. No extracurricular activities, Cs in his classes. And I couldn’t say anything back. I didn’t know what to say. Even though I’m not super close to him, I should be able to say something to comfort him.
The dumb thing about this is that I’m in high school. What can I do in life if I feel like this, never happy with myself. I remember liking more things then. Anything I enjoy now won’t support me in the future.
My dad went through so many hard things, being an orphan and all. And here I am complaining about MY life. Like how self-centered is that.
My life is amazing, I’ve got friends and family who care about me. I have a house, food and clothes. Basically everything I need. I feel so spoiled. I don’t deserve any of this especially since I’m not contributing anything. I’m a failure.
I’m worried about my future. I don’t want everything I’ve been doing to be for nothing. I want to go to a good college.
I’m trying more things, joining more extracurricular activities, caring more about my appearance, and helping out. However it just doesn’t seem to be enough.
I think about dying on occasion(sorry that got dark), but I’m too afraid of that possibility. Plus that feeds into my insecurity of being selfish. Killing myself would worry people and traumatize my parents. I don’t want to do that.
Well to anyone who read this, thanks for reading all the way to this point. I’m sorry if I depressed you. If your feeling in a bad mood like I was when I discovered this, don’t kill yourself. Life is precious. It’s tiring, but you can make it through. I feel much better after writing all of this.
