So I posted on here a couple days ago about my roommates daughter hitting on me. For those who remember or commented, I just wanted to say that I did tell her dad about it, and he said he had already noticed the attention she was giving me, but trust me around her. I couldn’t disagree with him in the slightest. He might just be a really smart man after all.
At the end of the day, I am just a friend of her father, and nothing more. But I understand why he allows her to hang out with me now. It may sound quite upside down at first, but it makes perfect sense to me now. Neither of us mind if she hangs out with me because it keeps her AWAY from boys her own age… Think about that for a second if you will. Let it sink in.
I am not in the slightest way interested in her for many reasons, mainly because I seek more mature/compatible relationships. Therefore I will never do anything untrustworthy with her. I am much more mature, and don’t seek to take advantage of her in anyway. But I know from experience, because I was a boy her own age once, that they all only want one thing, s***** experiences, romantic feelings, and emotional highs.
So firstly, why the f*** would anybody want their daughter hanging out with teenage boys? To be honest, I think that is the worst f****** idea ever. Think about it for a second. What happens when teenage boys and girls hand out? S**, mischief, more s**, unwarranted peer pressures of all kinds, just to name a few. So why would I ever recommend to her to go find a boy her own age to hang out with.
I couldn’t care less if she would rather hang out with me because I would actually protect her from those things, and offer constructive advice, not get her pregnant, ask her to try drugs, or teach her bad habits.
So why the f*** are their so many stigmas on things like this? I have a best friend that I trust with my life too, and if my daughter ever started showing him the same kind of attention, I would be grateful. Because I know I would be able to trust him with her. Not like some 15 year old boy who won’t obey anything other than his raging hormones.
Any thoughts on this? Go ahead and pounce. I know you want to. But no amount of attacks or lewd comments will change my mind or my intentions, which are pure. I don’t know what you would call our relationship, but it certainly isn’t romantic or s*****. If it wasn’t for all the stigmatic b******* and completely unwarranted phobias put out by people who use words like ‘inappropriate’, to describe a situation that actually prevents inappropriate activity, I might actually be able to call this relationship a “FRIENDSHIP”. But as it is, I am for some reason not allowed to use that word because I am much older than she is. But, in fact, that’s what it is, a beautiful, and constructive friendship, which keeps her the hell out of trouble.
So, sorry about the length of this rant, but I had to get that off my chest. I have been her dad’s friend for many years, and will NEVER, EVER, harm her. Not in any way. I have only, and will only ever want to help her on her life’s journey, and offer advice to her whenever she asks for it.
So anybody that wants to use the words ‘inappropriate’, or ‘harmful’, or anything else even remotely similar to describe anything regarding her and I. I understand where you are coming from, as there are a few creeps out there who will try to manipulate young girls into giving them what they can’t get from a mature person, but I am not one of those people.
Also, regarding teenage boys. The odds of an underage girl getting pressured into s** by a fully grown male over the age of 30 vs getting pressured into s** by a teenage boy are astronomically in the favor of the teenage boy trying to ‘tap that’ over the grown man. Don’t believe me? Ask any teenage girl, or boy. I bet you they will tell you that they have a friend who has already had s**, or that they are not a virgin themselves. Digest that in your mind for a minute, then go back to the statement, “Encourage her to find a boy her own age to hang out with”, and ask yourself: Why the f*** would I do that?
All Comments
I think it’s a good thing. I know you will always treat her with respect and have fun with her! Take her fun places, play sports, etc. She’s probably got a crush on you, and don’t ever make her feel embarassed for that. You are a great man. You will be a great father one day. ❤?
Thanks.
You’re too pure for this world, man. Keep at it.
Thank you.
Awesome! You should encourage her to have male friends of her own age because she needs to know how to socialize and interact with males her own age. Because she has a great role model in her father and you there’s no reason to worry about her being promiscuous. Encouraging her to have male friends her own age will show her that it is inappropriate to have feelings for a man who is old enough to be her father. You and her father have to trust her. I know that boys her age are interested in sex but I trust that her father has taught her that it is wrong to have premarital sex. You and your friend have to trust that she holds values and was raised correctly. If your friend trusts his daughter and trusts that he instilled morals and values in her then there is nothing to worry about. She needs to know how to socialize and relate to her peers. There wasn’t a problem when she had male friends in kindergarten so why should it be a problem now? Your friend has to trust that he has raised her correctly and allow her to have male friends. It is totally inappropriate for her to have male friends who are old enough to be her father and no male friends her own age. At some point your friend has to trust his daughter and believe in himself and his parenting skills. At what point should she have male friends her own age? Never? There are women in their 20s and 30s who are still virgins because of the values their parents instilled in them. Is this not the case with this young lady? Give her some credit for being raised by a good father and having a good head on her shoulders. To lack confidence in this young lady is also to lack confidence in her father’s parenting skills. Trust seems to be a huge issue too. Does her father believe that she’s not capable of telling a boy, “no?” If he doesn’t believe she’s strong enough to say “no” the problem is with her father and not her. I’m sure she is a very strong, confident, and mature young lady. She should be given credit for that instead of people doubting that she’s able to tell a boy “no.” That’s the only horrible part of this story. People believe that she is not intelligent enough to recognize when a boy is playing games with her. Again, give her some credit.
Let me begin by saying that I have no intention of discrediting her ability to make rational decisions, and smart choices in any way, and I have no intention of trying to influence her not to have friends her own age, or otherwise. I also am not trying to influence her to seek out an older companion.
But I will not for a second allow the belief that it is inappropriate to have older friends, or younger for that matter. Is it wrong for a younger sibling to hang out with an older one? No. That is because there is ‘normally’ no sexual stigmas attached to sibling relationships. But why does every other relationship have to be given the “Sexual Endangerment” label, and therefore force normal, safe, and uplifting individuals to be associated with such a stereotype?
There is nothing inappropriate about when I used to hang out with the old men and women in town because I liked hearing their stories, and valued their opinions and advice. There was nothing inappropriate about me choosing to befriend older role models when I was growing up. In fact, my aunt’s best friend was my go to hang out until I was almost a senior in high school.
None of that affected my relationships with people my own age, nor did it make me socially awkward. If anything, it probably taught me lessons I wouldn’t have learned until later otherwise, and helped me to avoid many bad up and coming situations. Because of what I saw in her, and in how she treated people around her, and all the advice she gave me when it came to girls, I learned what to look for in a healthy relationship. Furthermore, that advice affected my decision making process, which ultimately lead up to me finding my soul mate. We were married happily for 4 years, and dated for 10. I learned how to be a good man because I sought the advice and friendship of an older woman. So I cannot be convinced that it was inappropriate in any way. If my wife had not died back in December of 2015, we would still be happily married, and I would owe most of the credit to the lessons I learned from older, more mature people. People like my parents, and my parents’ friends, not my peers.
In fact, most of my peers were a bad influence on me. The fact of this matter is: Children don’t learn good decision making from the advice of their peers, they learn it from the adults who teach them. It is entirely possible to learn from mistakes, but it is also absolutely ok to avoid them too.
I’m not saying it’s bad for her to hang out with kids her own age, neither am I saying it ever was. What I am saying, is that it is not, nor will it ever be inappropriate for her to seek friendship from me. So whereas I understand what you mean, please stop using that word to describe it.
As for giving her credit, I and everybody else around here knows that she has a good head on her shoulders, and that she is perfectly capable of making great decisions and thinking for herself. So as you consider that, ask yourself: “If she is a smart, capable young lady, then why should I question her decision to seek friendship from her father’s friend?” She clearly knows right from wrong, and knows the value of asking constructive questions when she doesn’t know the answers herself. So if she feels that this decision is a good one, and you just said yourself that I should give her more credit, then why are you so apt to say she is wrong?
She is a very intelligent young lady, but we both know that she is a teenager with very little life experience and that wisdom will come with age, and mistakes will happen, and all that jazz, and that’s ok. She has simply chosen the path that leads her to seek the counsel of those who have already been where she is, and made some of those mistakes before, which I actually think is a very smart decision on her behalf. Do you disagree? If so; why?
She has quite a few friends, and a handful of those have been given the honor of having her full confidence and trust. She attends public school, and interacts socially with children her own age on a daily basis, and not once have I ever dreaded her going there, because I do have confidence in her, just like her father. She knows how to select good friends, and stay out of trouble, I will never doubt her ability to remain pure spirited and kind hearted. But that isn’t the issue. The issue is that there are many bad eggs out there, and most of them just happen to be the product of a childhood full of unnecessary bullshit.
If you think for a moment, that all children are as awesome as she is, then you are mistaken. There are some out there that are conniving, hormonally unstable, and really difficult for someone without real world wisdom to spot. Which is why our precious children, are taught by adults, and not their peers. If teenagers are all-the-wiser right now, then we are wasting our time teaching them are we not? Why not just go ahead and hand over the world to them right now? Because we both know they aren’t ready yet. Which is why I will never turn her away and continue to teach her valuable lessons for as long as she is willing to learn them.
Before I close this up, I would like to address another comment that was made on this matter. Which stated that (paraphrasing) …”nobody should doubt her ability to recognize when a boy is playing games with her.” I absolutely agree, and nobody does. But you and I both know that there are some very clever ones out there too. If you are one of the 5% of us who have never been fooled in this way, then I applaud you. But the sad fact is that there is always that one guy/girl, who is a master at pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes. But let’s just say she is clever enough to spot them coming and avoid heartache. Ok. But what about the fact that teenagers are still developing hormones, and their brains for that matter, and therefore, they sometimes do things to themselves or others, that THEY don’t even agree with. So even if she meets a great guy, and selects him well, he is still a teenager, and might inadvertently against his own better judgement, try to do something that they will both regret later on in life. So I’m honestly glad that she has a friend like me to confide in, and consult with before making such huge, life impacting decisions.
Getting back to my first point: Whereas I don’t have feelings for her, I don’t agree that allowing her to pursue me in such a way would be constructive at all. So case closed on that. But what if the feelings she has persist until a later time, when she is mature enough to act on them correctly herself. What then? For example; what if when she turns 23, she decides she likes me again? It would no longer be “inappropriate” then would it? So whereas I will not encourage her to romantically pursue me, I will also not discourage it. Because, who knows? Maybe one day things will change. But for now, she is still a growing child herself, and until she understands these feelings in their entirety, and has the emotional control to build a lasting relationship, I don’t think it is a good idea for her to pursue a romantic relationship with some hormone infested teenage boy either.
To put a little icing on this monstrous text-cake, I will go back to an earlier point and say; I am proud to announce that she has also befriended and is mentoring a younger person, and you know what? I am proud of her for it, and am very confident that she will help that child in the same way I am helping her. I have faith that she will help that young person grow into an amazing adult one day. I have faith in these things because I know that she was taught well herself, and only encourage people to understand that these lessons she was taught did not come from her social ‘peers’ they came from grown ups. Grown ass men and women who care about her, and want only what’s best for her.
So drop the bs about ‘relationships with older people are inappropriate’ unless you have forgotten who took care of you all those years. Because they were adults too.
Your friendship should be with the father not the 15 year old kid. You should be too busy to entertain such nonsense. I could understand if your girlfriend stepped in as a mentor and role model to her but you need to stay away from her. Do you have a girlfriend YOUR age? You should be friends with her father only. It sounds like you are actually struggling with your feelings for her. “Encourage her to find a boy her own age to hang out with”, and ask yourself: Why the fuck would I do that? Why the fuck would you NOT do that??????????? YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE FRIENDS WITH THIS GIRL.
Why? I am busy most of the time, but there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to take time out for friends of mine. She just happens to be a friend of mine. Why is that bad? Everybody who knows us, knows that neither of us are up to no good. If anything, it sounds like you struggle with hidden perversions. Otherwise, why would the thought of possible sexual exploitation even cross your mind? Teenage boys try to exploit girls for sex my friend, not me.
Send her to me I will fuck her! No problems!!