I am a 20 year old male. First 10 years of my life, it was okay, my mother was oveprotective, but not much and she was normal. But when I was like 10 or 11, my parents divorced because my father could not stay with my mother anymore, she was abusive towards him, which I did not know/understand at the time. She started to focus on me. She ordered me around all the time, yelled at me and blamed me for literally everything. As time progressed, it got worse and she started to beat me, mentally harass me and she did not let me to go out at all, I had no friends.Then I also started to get bullied in the school in all horrible ways. I did not want to live. She always told me she will take me to a doctor, that I am not normal. Around that time I was diagnosed with Asperger. This all continued through the years and I wanted to die. When I was like 14, I gave a promise to myself: Once I finish my studies, I will end my life. Around a week ago or so I finished highschool and I am 20 now. (You normally finish when you are 19 here, but we were moving all the time so I lost 1 year). Now I am waiting to get accepted to university so my 5 years countdown will start. Nothing got better, even though I am an adult. Its actually much worse. I never had any friends, I never talked to anyone, never had any hobbies. I am really depressed and I probably have some other mental problems too. I was prescribed medication by a doctor, but my mother wont allow me to take it, so I feel horrible all the time. I do not write here to get help, there is no helping me anymore. I just wanted to tell someone my story, thats all. In 5 years from now, I will die.

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