I am in love with a man whose wife is about to have a baby. I try to find new men to look at. but you can’t beat love which is what I feel with this man. real sense of love and passion. I could not offer my body to him right now but want to and dream of it all the time. I feel my pride is stopping me, because deep down I love him so much. I think that if we had s** it would be a bed of desire for me but maybe something that will break my pride more. I think I would cry if he told me he really wanted to f*** me or whatever. I don’t want it to be dirty but I do want him to f*** me with intention and thought. nicely paced and hard as well. I feel bad feeling this way as I was raped by a married man and my pride is still hurt over being used and made look so stupid over that. when all I ever wanted was this other man and I just wonder if he knows or knew that I did always desire him. he was wanted and is wanted. but I have pretend the other way. and I have to be careful about messages as the man who raped me seems to think I am talking about him when I talk about this other guy. and I just want to forget he exists and I wanted the other guy all along not the one I was saddled with. saddled with is just the word literally. saddled like a f****** horse I hated. I wanted the other guy to ride me! I am crushed and shamed for all this mess. shamed by desire. unthinkable desires that make me cry. sometimes I m********* thinking of him he gets me in such a broken mess and I m********* how I want him to f*** me. its great I even call his name out and love imagining his huge c*** inside me f****** me for ages with great skill. better skill then the man who did do me.

the difference to my desire is love. I just don’t love the man who raped me. I cant. but the other guys is all I think about. I imagine other cute guys but he is the real one.