12 years
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Sometimes I feel like I enjoy the feeling of misery. Most days life is so mundane and uneventful. I feel nothing. I crave to feel something, but either I’m too distant from troubling matters or I just don’t care enough of how society views my actions so I don’t feel anything. But when the cosmos is right and my true emotions about events filter through, it’s the misery that sticks hardest. It’s a blessing and curse. Emotions and blood rushes through like nothing else. It feels so nice; it feels so overwhelming. It brings me back to darker days. Days where I knew how to handle the rush of feelings. Days where knives were hidden and bandages were my best friend. I didn’t think I could go back to those times, yet here I am…

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