I dont care about anything anymore. im only 17 and i got my ged at an alternative school, but… i could have gone ivy league. i started being truent and not going to school because i was miserable for so long and i finally just stopped… i thought things have changed since then, i thought that i could find what i needed at the military academy, but its worse than ever. i have no desire to go to college, to work, to pursue a career, to get a girlfriend… today i woke up and played games for a while but got so sick of it… i just started walking around my house aimlessly. every day i think about killing myself so that i dont have to stay here any longer, idly wasting away. i desperately want to want things but i cant, i dont know what happened to me. now i have no friends, and even my family has started to ignore me, even though i rarely speak to them. i go out to my friends house where they play beer pong to get drunk, because it makes me forget my depression, but it doesnt work anymore. even if i could do anything i wanted right now, theres nothing i can think of that would make me feel truly at peace. i dont kill myself because i know ive been happy and that my life has had purpose before, and im holding out that someday it will again. but it only gets worse, no matter what i do, theres nothing i can do. if i die, i wonder who will notice?