Even though I havent acted on my evilness ive been a hipocrit and felt like a saint without recognizing accepting and making myself fully responsible for all the evil in my heart and in myself. There is evil in my heart since I was a child. I blame and have blamed everybody else for the terrible things Ive lived since being a child.
I have not recognized my evilness. Ive made myself a victim of the negative consequences of my evil doings and evil in myself and havent recognized much less become responsible for it and them. I blame and have blamed everybody else but me, being surrounded by stupid superficial evil people without recognizing those and more traits in me.

Since I have not acted on the evilness in my heart I have not made myself responsible for it, there has still been and there is still evil in my heart and myself, I just turned a blind eye on it and ignored it for many many years.

Finally I start to talk truthfully and acknowledge everything Ive been trying to burry and hide, it hasnt gone anywhere. I finally declare myself guilty of everything I acknowledge.
How many women I hurt played used threw away just because I could, just for fun, because I thought there would be no consequences. I hurt a few hearts really really bad sometime knowingly and others unconsciously.

There has been many repressed emotiones desires and urges. Many violence repressed but still in my heart.
I havent acted on it because of my own dominion and restraint, and because of the negative consequences it would bring to my life, its the following:

S***** violence: r*** s***** crimes and more just for pleasure, instincts and desires
Beating and killing: many people whove crossed my path, because of being bullied time and time again as a kid, others because of my own violent instincts and desires, others who bothered me, and many justbecause I wanted and felt like it.
Stealing: I would probably steal my whole life if there would be no negative consequences to it, I would probably steal everything I needed and wanted, and would steal big amounts of money and resources.
Lust for money and material wealth: all my life and every day I have very strongly desired material wealth riches and an extremely material life. Everyday I have a very strong urge desire and love for money. A really strong desire for riches.
Power: really strong desire and lust for power, power over everybody, superiority over everyone where I lived and over the whole world population. I wanted to rule over everyone. I wanted to obtain power over everybody else.

Since I was a child Ive felt a pressence on my back on my neck and shoulders. It feels like a dark and heavy pressence over me. Sometime Ive felt more influence and heavyness from it. Its probably been influencing me with dark thoughts and desires. I wont evade responsibility blaming this pressence. If its a part of me ill make myself responsible for it.

This is a part of my dark side ive avoided over and over again.

God please forgive me through Jesus Christ.