Honestly.

I’m alone.

Every day I feel alone.

As every day I sit in my room and ‘be alone’.

My company is my own head. And let me tell you, it’s honestly the worst, and most revealing, experience I’ve had ‘til now. There’s only so much television you can watch, only so much you can read and listen to, there’s only so many online messages you can send.

And you’re hit with the reality that you’re alone. Alone in your room and your human contact is so limited that you are, in fact, lonely. You may cry.

Lonely people, who are they? Well they’re probably the people that you see sitting alone trying to look at their phone… Well I can tell you that they’re not talking to anyone and that they’d be sad if they sat down and thought about how much they do this. The people you have short conversations with, who don’t speak to you first, look you in the eye or can answer honestly to the question ‘how are you?’ because, they are not ‘alright’.

To be ‘alright’, I believe that you need to have someone in your life who understands you, or at least understands most of you. It doesn’t matter if they are a mean person, a back stabber, you feel alright simply because you’re not alone. And that’s what’s important when you’re sitting at your desk, eating food that you find repulsive, crying, laughing manically, watching a repeat of something you don’t even care for on the TV, listening to that song again, not sleeping… being lonely.

I’m here at my desk because I’m lonely and I’ve lost the person who I thought understood me, because that person was not to be trusted. I haven’t found the next person, but when I do, I’ll not be lonely. And I deserve the best person, because I’ve found out: on all these nights I continue to be lonely, that I am in fact a very entertaining person.