For all my life I’ve felt useless. Every time I’d try to help I’d always ruin everything ad every time I touched something I would break it. Sometimes I really think about giving up, but then I think about others who’ve suffered worst than me and I keep trying. But the more I try the more I want to give up. I just want to change. I just want to be useful. I just want to be so many things I can’t. Now I know people say that you should be yourself, but I can’t because I know people aren’t going to accept me. And trust me I know because I’ve already tried to be the real me. The me who doesn’t smile all the time. The me who isn’t always smart. The me who really wants someone to tell all my feelings to. But I can’t. And I never will. I’ll always be the fake me, but the real me slips out every now and then. Too bad no one pays enough attention to notice. That’s another thing too. I’ve always been ignored. By everyone. I can’t even talk to my own family. Everyone only knows the fake me. I can’t even talk to my own parents. My mom always says I’m stupid or just ignores me and my dad always ignores me. No matter how many times I remind he never listens. Sometimes when I’m talking and no is talking he or my brother would interrupt me and would talk as if I wasn’t. And when I ask them if they were even listening they would ignore me, but when I interrupt them I get yelled at. I’ve honestly given up on talking to my family because it useless. I can’t even talk to my closest friends because I’m scared they’ll judge me. I’ve tried once. And they said “Why do you talk about such depressing things” so I’ve stopped talking about anything depressing. In the end I stopped talking all together and I drifted away from them. And now I’ve lost my 2 most closest friends. I don’t even know what to do anymore. And that’s not even the end. I also have the worst luck. Especially when it comes to love. I wasted 12 years of my life liking someone who never even liked me as a friend. I even missed my chance to confess to another guy who I genuinely liked. Someone who understood how I felt. Someone who would talk hours with me about the most random things. Someone who would support me when I was about the give up. Someone who was the closest to understanding me than anyone else. But me being the dumbest person missed my chance. MY one and only chance. On the day I was about to confess, he confessed to another girl and they became a couple. I used to still have feelings for him. But now I don’t really feel anything towards anyone. I just smile and laugh.
