I am so scared that once high school & the parties end, the weed runs out, my friends leave, my brother moves out, and I have to be cast back out into the real world, there will be nothing left of me. I’ll be no one. I am horrified. I am realizing I am no longer that straight A little angel everyone “knew” was going to change the world. I am just a scared, lost teenager, depressed and looking for ways to escape my past and future. I want to overcome my problems, be that person I always wanted to be, but it is too hard. I am haunted by the terrors of my past, and petrified as to what my future may hold. I am trying to numb the pain with and fill the gaps of love I never had with boyfriends, friends who have their own problems, pot and vodka. Not even old enough to drive but I’ve been an adult since I was 6. I’m still witty, doing my best in school, and manage to hold myself together in public. But when the sun goes down I have to let it all out. I am so scared of what I am becoming.