I think my father’s death, is the reason i have problems remembering my past. It’s like he scarred my mind, to shield it’s self from ‘pain’ (almost being everything), and in return i only have a handful of non to somewhat important, beautiful memories.

I don’t understand why i can’t remember the things that was not at all part of my father’s death, like why couldn’t it take the real pain, and leave what i loved most?

don’t get me wrong. i am entirely grateful, that i possess the memories, my mind let me keep. i just…why, is it like this? why, can’t my mind just let me have my memories back, why is it still ‘protecting’ me, though years has passed, since then?

I don’t get it. I just don’t…

(But, I just wish, i could somehow unleash the memories my mind decided to lock under a key…)