I am a woman who, was friends with another woman and after a while, a little bit more than friends with her, and at first she always told me that she’d be there for me when I really needed her, and in return I would always try to help her with any problems she had, like friends do, but, after a while, things started to take a turn for the worse. She started inviting me to drink with her, I had never drank before, and it soon turned out that I was a total lightweight. I got drunk far easier than she did, Eventually, she started making out with me at times when normally I would have said no. She made it clear that she wasn’t interested in dating me. What we were doing was just fun. Eventually, one night, I realized that what was happening between us was wrong, because she already had a partner and it seemed like I was helping her in damaging her relationship. I told her that we had to stop doing what we were doing and just be friends like before, I thought that she’d be fine with that because, after all, she had said she didn’t want to date me, she made a few more attempts over the following weeks but eventually, because I had stopped drinking, she didn’t get anywhere. Then, once she realized that I wasn’t going to start up with her again, she stopped talking to me though she still interacted with me on social media, I mourned our friendship and assumed that I had done something wrong. It is only now that I realize that she was only there for me when it was convenient for her. It hurt because I thought that our friendship at least meant something to her, but I now realize that it never really did. I was just kind of someone for her when she needed a warm body. When I realized this, I felt used and naive. I cut ties with all of our mutual friends, because I thought if they knew the truth the’d think I was a w****, or trying to make trouble. I still don’t speak to them. The worst part of all of this though, is that I feel like I should really dislike her for all the stuff that happened, but I can’t, because mixed in with all of the morally gray stuff she did to me, I really am grateful to her because she helped me come to terms with my s********. Some part of me is also always going to feel guilty and dirty for letting her use me like she did though. I should have never let her kiss me that first night. The worst part is that I can’t bring myself to confront her. All I could do was sever our social media ties. Sometimes, when I think back on everything that happened. I hate myself. I don’t know how to get over that.