I just feel like no one really loves me and I feel that even God doesn’t love me and thinks I’m some kind of joke. I feel like a miserable pathetic creature. The only person I feel who half way loves me is my dad and he lives on the other side of the country and we speak once every other month. I’m sick and tired of my own mother mocking me and using me. I’m tired of her feeling entitled to spend all of my money when the only time I even feel a little optimistic is when I get paid. I call my grandma to tell her how I feel and she screams at me and says she doesn’t want to hear it. I even called the suicide hotline and just gave up. I even tried to talk to my exboyfriend who I dumped last week because any time I try to talk to him about something serious he ditches me and the only time he seemed interested in me is when he was trying to seduce me just to see if he even really cares about me just a little bit but as usual he pretty much hangs up on me. Then he buddies up with my “friends” who act more like acquaintances and gets them on his side when he wasn’t really even interested in their friendship beforehand. I just feel alone and like the scum of the earth. The only people who are going out of their to try and talk to me only want to because they really just want to sleep with me. I know this because whenever I tried getting close with them as friends they started flirting with me s******* and try to touch me. I don’t trust them. I just feel sick and hopeless. I want to just disappear of the face of the earth but because I believe in God I’m scared to go to hell. I’m sick of being unhappy, I’m sick of hating my life. I know people out there have it worse than me, but I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. I just want a best friend, someone who truly knows me and accepts me for who I am and makes me feel important and loved but I don’t think I’ll ever get that.