I was abused (I’m a Guy)

I would appreciate if you no longer commented on my post as I am still not over what happened, in fact I have a lot of F****** anger. You hurt me so bad, because what I could never express, I was constantly in a state of not knowing what I should say. Feeling the tension of what I think, to what I say, always editing, guarding, editing, self-doubt and self adjustment, based on your f****** movements. I hated that, I hated you for making me do that, I hated myself for not standing up and say enough, f*** what is right, f*** what people think, f*** your emotional well being! I Hate that I have no balls, I hate myself that I didn’t have enough self-respect to leave when you hit me the first time. I HATE that I am afraid to get close to someone, I hate that when I smell your perfume My chest tightens, I HATE the fear that I am going to turn around and you are going to be there. I HATE that I am always checking my security online. I hate that I don’t trust people. I hate the way I am feeling. I hate not being able to express that, I Hate that that tension inside so High I threw up all the time. Yeah I don’t do that anymore, Dr said it was stress related. I hate that I won’t send this to you because I still would worry about you cutting yourself, throwing up, or killing yourself, I hate that you put that on me. I hate that you flashed me, and mocked me for not wanting to have s**. I hate you are doing well Because I am not, even after a year.