12 years
x
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im wearing your shirt and desperatley breathing in the musty scent that comes from you that i f****** love so much. im so scared for the day its going to stop smelling like you and that its going to fade. its been less than 24 hours and i miss you so f****** much. i f****** miss you. i didnt know it was possible to feel physical pain out of emotional distress until now. i didnt know that i could wake up and instantly start crying, when i remembered that me and you are over. i want you back so bad and im so so sorry i had to end it. i never got to say that i loved you but right now i really really do. i cant be enough for you and i cant provide the support you need. im not reliable and im scared about what you would do if i fucked up and hurt you. i know that im your trigger and that you think your crazy and to me thats the saddest f****** thing in the universe and im sorry ive got to eb so coml=plicated and cause those things and i f****** love you but i cant risk it i cant risk loosing you or you hurting yourself because of me. babe i care about you too much for me to be yours. it would be so so selfish and too much responsibility for me to handle. i reallly want to be able to handle this but i cant, i cant give you what you need. and you deserve what you need.
but that doesnt make it hurt any less
and i keep thinking about when you said you loved me and when you said that i wasnt willing to make the effort
and when you said that all you wanted was me, to be in my arms and hear my heart beat and my heart f****** broke i was lying there with a huge lump in my throat and the biggest pain right in my chest
and the thing is thats the only f****** thing i want too

New Confession

I remember we were both 16 I believe or she was older. No, she was a senior in high school and I was a sophomore. I knew her because we talked most of his time but at the same time I remember months later, she walked me down the steps and broad daylight in our apartment and that’s the first time I got my s** experience for my girl and I remember she was bending down I saw her with no p****** and I remember she got down after she bend over I said please get up and I said what are you gonna show me and she got done she put on my pants and she said you’re hairy and I said I know I am I forgot to shave and s***. I got hard and she said you have a huge c*** and I said I know I do I said I did them with it not that much and she started sucking it and giving me a h******* and it was nice. I don’t know if I peed or I come I don’t remember, but that’s when her little brother caught us and I said oh s*** we’re in trouble dude and I said please get up and her mom was there too like damn we’re fucked and we went to go back to the apartment and I’m like damn pain of shame and I’m was about to slapper and the siblings and her brother was there and I said kids go to the kitchen or go upstairs please dude I don’t know man go to the kitchen or go upstairs please dude thank you and the mom said listen to me while I’m talking to you and I said ma’am, you don’t have to your daughter and she was about you and I defend her and I’m saying ma’am don’t hit your daughter please and she said oh and I said no we’re not in love or anything it would just have fresh experience that’s all but I never only texted her once I said do you hey do you remember the black cat in our apartment and that’s it and she texted back saying what do you mean and I said do you know the cat and and no, and we just talked after that, but we didn’t do anything. Nothing like that then she said call my mom and I said I don’t know where she live and she said yeah you do and I called my mom and my mom was about to hit me. She got mad and s*** and I said mom don’t hit me. Hey don’t hit me please what’s wrong with you? We’re teenagers for once and we got caught and this is public disobedience I understand we probably traumatized that child but what I’m saying is it so forget what happened today and never speak of it again

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