So my best friend and I have been best friends for 3 and a half years now. She goes to a different school now and she lives in a different state, so we never see each other. We always go on phone calls and stuff, but lately I’ve been questioning our friendship. I had self harmed and I told her I stopped and a couple of months after she confessed into saying that she really thought I had no reason to self harm and my life was “fantastic”, she pointed out all the problems I told her and said that they weren’t that big of a deal. I was really upset with her but didn’t show it. Today I sent her something someone said online about self harm that was painfully stupid. She thought I said it. I said “What kind of person do you take me for?” she laughed and said “Well most of the time you’re mislead” and I was like “How?” she said “Two years ago you asked me if period blood was sperm.” I have no memory of this, she says I have said plenty of stupid stuff like this before but I never remember saying this or anything like that, I have never been that stupid but anyway, I’m pretty sure I know a lot more about self harm then she does because I actually did self harm but I gave up on telling her because she would probably say she knew more because her parents are studying psychology.
Anyway, she always says “I love the way I look” or “I love my body” when she knows I have self-esteem issues. She has always been prettier and better then me and I always feel belittled by her because she will say stuff like “I’m s***, you’re cute” which makes me feel really small and even worse about my body. She will always point out my flat chest that I feel bad about because I already get picked on about it. She never admits she is wrong and she obviously thinks she is smarter then me.
One time I had a crush on a boy and I thought he had a crush on me and then said to her he actually liked her. She turned him down and at the time she didn’t know I had a crush on him so I just faked a smile when she told me laughing along, years later I told her because I didn’t have a crush on him anymore. She always repeats the story even though she knows it hurts me.
Despite all of this, we still have really good talks, I really like her and we even plan on having a gap-year together and sharing apartments and stuff. Months ago I got sick of her saying stuff and said we should stop being best friends she refused and I eventually dropped it.
Should I remain to be best friends with her or should I just drop the friendship, if so, how?