I realized today how jaded and cynical I’ve become. I used to shake my head when people were this way, but now I’m doing it myself.

A friend of mine on facebook (a former teacher of mine- not really a ‘friend’) was taking her grandkids to a theme park today, but the kids are feeling sick so they had to cancel the trip. When I saw all of the comments on facebook about, “Oh, poor kids! I hope they feel better!” or, “How sad! I know they were looking forward to the trip!” … I didn’t feel any sympathy for those kids. All I could feel was, “Well, y’know, you’re already spoiled. You get vacations and trips to the beach all the freaking time. Your parents and grandparents can afford to buy you nice clothes and awesome toys and gadgets for Christmas and birthdays. So what if you miss a theme park? You’ve got plenty of excess already… get the freak over it. Go home, go back to bed, and get over being sick, then play with the tons of video games, toys, and huge playgrounds you already have.”

I’m jealous, plain and simple, and I know it. As I kid I didn’t get things like that. We were too poor, To this day I’m still poor. Life circumstances have kept me in this horrible little box of living in the lowest of the low class and not being able to climb out, no matter how hard I’ve tried. And believe me, I’ve tried. No matter what anyone says, where you come from does make a difference. I didn’t come from a family with money or connections and I never got the opportunities of my wealthy peers. I have scraped and worked and fought but I’m still where I started.

So yeah, I guess I am cynical and jealous. I should be thankful I have a place to live. I wish I didn’t feel this way.