I’m in an abusive relationship.

Usually it’s sweet and very loving. Most of the time it is, even. Sometimes though there will be one tick…and then there is a lot of hurt and screaming. It’s okay though, I love my partner.

Tonight I lost my cool because my partner was talking to a friend over the phone, and not myself. I never get phone conversations and sometimes short texts. So thus the fight began, the typical match of control and myself asserting dominance.

Nobody expects a 110 5’5″ girl who is a straight A student to be an abusive partner. I graduated my high school valedictorian and am in school to become a pharmacist.

This isn’t the first time it happened. It happened once when I made him cry. I realized then truly I had a hold on this, I could get whatever I wanted. Not that I’d want anything extravagant, I’m speaking in terms of relationship needs. Like the one time he blew our plans off to hang out with a friend he had not seen in three months so I threatened my life and the whole relationship. Ultimately, I got my way. It’s never gotten physical, save the time I shoved him when he tried to hold me when I was pissed.

One time it got out of control. I realized threatening my life and to never speak again was getting ineffective. I made him have a panic attack and cry, we broke up for a bit until I profusely apologized a week later, swearing it would never happen again. I didn’t think it would. Then I messed around with an older guy at my school repeatedly because I wanted a way to get my frustration out. He was so hot, a Marine with gorgeous abs…

I never let it go. He is incompetent, sensitive, and a pointdexter. He is also my fiance.

And the day he marries me is the day he will own up to every little wrong thing he ever did…by letting me control him…