14 years
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I’m not a very social person; I don’t go out and meet people. I’m always in online relationships. I guess there really are just some people who choose to be in online relationships but don’t hold it to the same regard as I would. With that said, just because we met and continue to communicate online, doesn’t mean I value it any less than those formed offline.

I plan to nurture this, to let it grow. I plan to meet you. In person. To hold you. To let you hold me. To meet your family. To let you meet mine. I don’t know.. I probably sound crazy. But what can I do? I’m a person who can’t handle casual relationships. I’m insecure being with someone who doesn’t wear their heart on their sleeve.

People always tell me that I’m always over analyzing things. But in this case, is it really so different? Wouldn’t you feel bad if you felt like you were being kept a secret? The problem with online relationships is that you only know what the other person or their friends tell you about them.

I hate how you haven’t introduced me to even a single friend of yours. I don’t want to push the subject just yet because I feel long distance relationships might be a more sensitive topic to share between males than for us females, but it just s**** to be kept on the down low. What if you have a local girlfriend or something?

I’d like to believe that you wouldn’t be putting in the time to be with me if the case really is that you have a significant other where you are, but the paranoia just won’t let up. I don’t want to be a person of convenience that you can just run to when you’re bored. So I guess I’ll have to lower my pride and talk to you about it, otherwise I guess I’m going.

New Confession

Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker

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